The internal struggle that is art~~

I’m back once again..dropping some good knowledge..I’m not going lie I got really discouraged. Then it came to me, the reasons why I do what I do. Any true artist will always have this pull within them  that is their internal struggle. I face my more than I’d like to but it’s what makes me so complex as an artist. It can stem from confidence, self criticism and insanity in its early stages. To create something beautiful most of the times there is something a little off about you. For me I never wanted to be normal. I looked at normalcy the way people look at being strange, weird and off. I had no desire to be apart of the crowd nor did I want any part of being categorized as part of the general public.  I wanted to be intellectual though many of the females around seem to not want to be. I quickly realized I wasn’t like most girls in that sense, I credit my upbringing. A family that didn’t have the chance nor the environment to thrive into education decided that I was going to achieve it and through there support my journey began. Later however education would fail me, reaching HS I finally started to see “real life” over what we were being told. I wanted out. School wasn’t the same to me..and in turn it never has been. College is simply a business in America which is sad but so very true. If you don’t have money saved, if you don’t come from a well off family and if you don’t get some huge scholarship what’s left for you, student loans? Only to end up in debt at the end of 4 to 10 yrs depending on your filed to only now be a salve into what you thought you wanted to do. When in the end your doing it for the sole reason of money, but in this retrospect its not the love of it but rather the created “necessity” of it.  But that’s another journey so let me focus. Everyday we are confronted with decisions, with choice, with opportunities but do we take them? Some artist in every form of the word never get recognition until they are damn near dead or are gone. and even then it could take centuries before anyone in another lifetime knows about them. Its funny I constantly hear people preaching about living now and today and blah blah blah. But like most things people say its just a mere fabrication into a belief they want you to think they are living. yet they pass by all of “nows” and “todays” fruits.  Instead only looking for gain in the future. They never stop to hear the bum story on the street and to know he or she actually is a genius. They don’t stop to hear the truth in the music they are listening to , for if they did they would know there is no truth. They don’t stop to learn about themselves and to recognize your not free. Awareness, strength, discipline, and knowledge will help set you free. Free from what? most underground artist, painters, graffiti artist they know this freedom…and with a cost. Screaming to a world that refuses to listen to see beyond the veil that covers ones eyes since birth. Freedom for a financial cycle that continues in the “social classes” freedom from the material things freedom from the tainted foods consumed day to day freedom from the media freedom from self doubt and uncertainty.

In the end it is this and more that creates waves upon waves in my soul and breaking free to a calm is the end goal. But while in the process you’ll see what that internal struggle really is. After all even when it doesn’t feel like it sum1s always watching.

stay tuned o.u..t…djm.nila


~ by B.A.N. Sheep~ on January 13, 2010.

One Response to “The internal struggle that is art~~”

  1. I couldn’t agree more with this blog post. Everything you said mirrors my own beliefs. I also struggle with self-doubt and self-criticism. Especially when it seems that marketing my creations seems to depend on gimmickry.

    Freedom isn’t free. But the experience is priceless. Enjoy your freedom.

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